The thing I find difficult about 존댓말 and 반말 is not its actual usage, but the emotional component that comes with it.
For example, I tend to slip into 반말 when I feel an emotional bond with that person, even if s/he has not ‘officially’ given the go-ahead to use 반말. Thankfully my friends are pretty understanding and do not that that I’m being intentionally rude when I make the slip. Similarly, when talking to a 친구 or 동생, I sometimes subconsciously add -요 at the end of my sentences if we are not that close.
I guess this is how Korean is very much an emotional language for me. So instead of speaking to the other party based on his or her age or status, my natural reflex is to use the form (반말 or 존댓말) that reflects how I feel towards the other party.
I remember receiving a call from an 언니 that I’m not very close to, but who had suggested that we speak informally, and somewhere at the beginning of the convo I blurted out “아, 네네.” This 언니 then said, “어, 너 왜 갑자기 존댓말을 하냐?” I must admit that I was a little embarrassed at that time. ^^;;; This actually happened last year, my 5th year into this korean language journey, even though I have been actively using Korean almost daily over the past 2 years despite the fact that I have already left Korea.
It’d be great if I could find a way to mentally “compartmentalise” people into the 반말 and 존댓말 categories, so that the appropriate speech form comes to me naturally, regardless of how close I feel to them emotionally.
Does anyone else face the same problem? ^^;:
joopleberry
March 4, 2012
oh yes, you’re right!! i’ll edit that. hehe
i guess it’s comforting to know that i’m not the only once facing this problem? if you do manage to find some way to overcome this, please share! ^^
joopleberry
March 4, 2012
oh yes, you’re right!! i’ll edit that. hehe
i guess it’s comforting to know that i’m not the only once facing this problem? if you do manage to find some way to overcome this, please share! ^^
mykoreancorner
March 5, 2012
It’s easier for me to get the “feel” of 반말 and 존댓말 in writing. But when it comes to speaking, I can never get comfortable with 반말 yet. And just like you, when friends ask me to speak 반말 to them, I would often answer, 네, 알았어요 to the exasperation of the one I’m talking to (somehow similar to English, A:”Don’t call me Sir.” B:”Okay, Sir.”)
Actually, before, since my initial contact with Korean is through dramas, I have the tendency to use 반말. But when my favorite actress commented that I’m mixing my Korean with 반말 I was probably traumatized and has always been conscious about it. Then I attended language elective classes in the university and we speak in 존댓말 most of the time, it has then became difficult for me to switch to 반말. I remember the whole class got really uncomfortable when we were discussing 반말 forms for the first time in class because we just can’t speak in 반말 in front of our professor even if we were allowed to because of the lesson.
joopleberry
March 5, 2012
Yes I totally understand that! I remember i first started to get used to using 반말 with my jap classmates, when we decided to practice speaking to each other in 반말 so that we could get used to it. but then by then we were quite close so there was no problem making the switch.
sometimes i do get frustrated when i tell an older person to speak to me comfortably, but they do not feel comfortable doing so because of some unspoken social rules (for example, if i’m their english teacher, or if we are colleagues and i had joined the company before they did).
it’s like i want to be closer to them, but whenever they speak in 존댓말 i feel the emotional distance. so sometimes i end up speaking in english instead because it does actually close the distance. heh